Hypnothetical

17Sep08

You’re going to think that I’m being facetious or using hyperbole or exaggerating for dramatic effect – which is what hyperbole is – but I’m totally serious. This is an honest question with no subtext.

Have you ever been just sitting around, in class, on the bus, in the sun, at work, just sort of zoning out and not thinking so hard, and all of the sudden the blindness of panic shoots through you as you feel yourself slipping off the edge of insanity? You rush to grasp for association because you know that if you let yourself slip there is no going back and your mind will be forever submerged in psychosis? It’s been happening to me all week and I think that one of my classes may actually be killing me.

Another strange thought pattern that I’ve had is that I want to fight someone. It started out as a joke in a context that I can’t recall but I’m finding that the more I think about it the more it sounds like a good idea. No malice or anger, just a fight. Just to feel what it’s like, satisfy some primitive visceral instinct, feel dangerous and alive. A Fight Club fight, but just once and without terrorisms.

I’m concerned that I’m going to fail my art history test because I have been writing poetry and making drawings instead of taking notes and don’t remember anything from the first two weeks. I remember when my notebooks used to be immaculate and full of useful information.

My months as an inner-city bike hipster, “freelancing,” are over and I’m back in school and living in the suburbs again. There is a Wendy’s at the corner. It’s extremely nice to have my days filled up with meaningful activities and to be getting paychecks again but I miss the city and its freedom like I can not describe.

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One Response to “Hypnothetical”

  1. Maybe I should give you the book.


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