Good Move?

22Jun08

I don’t know, I miss it already. I reset my beard this morning, because I found that I wasn’t happy with the shape I had given it. Not one to betray the beard, I intend on growing it anew, and better. This intermediate period is going to be rough.

I miss it

I just feel so naked without it, and I don’t think I do well with the babyface look. You’ll perhaps notice that my forehead is a little crispy – and note also that my base pigmentation is visible in the form of my forearm – from a fantastic weekend trip to sunny Lake Owasco with my Roberts friends.

Brian and I also took the opportunity to visit our ailing family members in Vernon. All of his living grandparents are in some amount of medical danger, his grandfather especially. I haven’t seen any of them in so many years, I’m surprised that they remember me. Brian’s family is more like family to me than my own is; being in his house recollected the whole of my childhood. I went to see my mother, who has both some legitimate medical problems compounded by severe hypochondria. I feel bad that she’s there alone so often with illnesses, but being there is too unpleasant for me to commit to very often. Knowing what poor decisions went into her current state and how she had effected me growing up makes it difficult for me to be more than abstractly sympathetic. Leaving her gave me a pang of guilt but an intense feeling of relief and improvement in disposition that justified my want to escape. I’ve been told that family is important, that you can’t choose your family, but we’ll see about that.

That night Brian, Beth and I left Vernon for the lake, stopping over in Syracuse to see Beth’s friend. Who is now married. I’m so disturbed by all of the people that I know who are my age, and married. Some with children. I can’t even fathom marriage at this point in my life; with so many years of college, grad school, traveling, irresponsible drug experiences, no plans to start a career and building a portfolio of tiny apartments it’s just not even on the radar. There’s too much to do first.

We arrived at the lake in the evening, navigating confusing, unfamiliar roads in the dark, to a group gathered by the campfire. The following afternoon we came back to Rochester with memories of time well spent, and damaged skin as souvenirs. Some thoughts from the weekend:

The hookah is a supremely pleasant experience. I’ve known this since my first time at the hookah lounge, yet every time I love it more, and all the better with great company. Each person with which you share it makes the event better by an exponential factor. Breathe deep!

Fire is just so cool. While in Vernon, Brian and I built a campfire in his backyard to entertain us, and we had one at the cabin the following night. A brilliant force of nature, and the most primitive of man’s technological triumphs. A ballet of creation and destruction.

Electricity is so pivotal to modern civilization. We can never make the mistake of letting energy grow scarce or prohibitively expensive. A night without electricity is an adventure, but a great deal of what it means to be civilized and human could be lost without it for long. I don’t know how we made it so far without it. The world must have truly be a frightening place, but at least it had more fire.

The wilderness and the city are both wonderful and beautiful places. The mouldering slurry filling out the gradient is disgusting. Man can make great things, and nature can make great things, but why must we destroy what nature has done?

Good lord, I still need a job. Remain positive!

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